What would you do if you find out that a boy you are having crush on for almost a year is now having a girl on his own? How would you feel and react about the news?
Well, that's what I've been through right now..
Yes, I've been keeping this feeling towards him selepas aku went through a broke up. For me, it's quite a terrible yet horrible break up as I thought we could have end up in a more serious relationship. It was almost a 3 years-relationship and I thought that would be the last love I'm going to cherish 'til the end of my life. Sampaikan Abang Hairol tanya aku about us masa borak-borak pasal life and relationship ni, aku yakin giler jawab there'll be something serious going to happen between us. Well, I guess it didn't happened the way I wanted it to be.
Siyesly, aku tersangat-sangatlah down waktu kena dumped tu. Memang tak pergi kelas langsung, asyik nangis je. Dah rasa macam takde life, semua benda yang aku buat aku buat macam lifeless. Sampaikan studio aku terbarai-barai. Memang siyes time tu rasa macam nak quit je study. Dah memang rasa tahap takde harapan. Sampai la aku jumpa dia when I was in this student society.
Siyesly, at first when you looked at him, he's just like any other ordinary guy. But when you see him more often, he's some kind of a mysterious person. Haha, dah nama pun budak archie kan. Observation is a must in every aspect that we do, including to people. Dia tak banyak cakap, even when he's around his friends. I like that when he was with his friends, dia cakap-cakap jugak but when it comes to lawak thingy, he just smile and takde la nak gelak-gelak bagai nak rak. Siyesly cool giler..
At first, memang la rasa macam main-main je, suka-suka je suka dekat dia. Mencari distraction la kiranya sebab tak nak terlalu memikirkan perkara yang dah berlalu. Tapi, tu la kan. Orang cakap, bila dah selalu perhati boleh menyebabkan jatuh hati. Siyesly, masa mula-mula tu memang la macam buat rilek je sebab ye la, baru lepas break up.. Giler apa nak minat kat other boys in just one glance? But then I realized that each time I looked at him, I had butterflies in my stomach..Haha, macam ada benda menari-nari dalam perut la gittew.
Yes, I've never actually spoke to him. Siyesly, aku tak pernah bercakap dengan dia sampaila kitorang ada dua events ni. The first event was when he was my leader and I had to have a conversation with him which aku siyesly sangat amat terlampau malu sebenarnya for all those things yang berkaitan dengan dia. My friends knew about me having this kinda feelings. Sampai waktu aku berbual pasal resit dengan dia pun aku bagitahu dekat member-member aku n semua. Memang sumpah lawak la masa tu. Rasa macam giler pun ada. Maybe aku tak pernah minat orang yang betul-betul suka. The previous relationships that I had, guys yang datang approach, oleh sebab prinsip yang aku pegang masa tu "love someone who loves you, not someone that you loved". Tapi memang waktu tu rasa macam siyesly nice je. Dapat jumpa walau sekejap pun dah rasa macam dah best hari tu.
The second event was when one of his friends and I were the head of the activities for the event. Yang ni memang aku rase siyesly LOL giler. I had so many chances to talk to him sebab we went there by our advisor's car. Which I'm kinda like..sumpah rasa macam tak boleh bernafas, bernafas dah tak ikut hidung, hidung berdarah semua..haha.. In fact, penasihat aku ni pun tau aku minat dekat dia. Memang bak angin bertiup awan berarak, sayupnya hatiku melayang di angkasa.. But, ni lagi lol. Aku yang siyes pemalu bila I had to confront him. Memang takde sepatah pun la yang keluar dari mulut aku. Aku just bercakap dengan penasihat aku and another girl yang naek sekali dengan kitorang. And dekat situ, memang siyesly heaven bagi aku sebab anything je, dia akan call aku. Memang menjerit je la kerja aku kalau habis each activity. Hehe, naseb baek la Kaety and Panda ada dengan aku masa program. Diorang pun tolong menjerit sama dengan aku. Sungguh, best giler perasaan tu waktu tu.
Aku pernah bagitau dia yang aku suka dekat dia. Tapi, waktu tu aku cakap dekat dia yang aku just suka je dekat dia. And quite suprisingly, he's okay with that. Tak macam certain boys yang macam terus push the girl aside bila girl tu dah confess perasaan dia. That's another thing I like him. Memang aku hardly jumpa orang macam ni. Which is why I kept on liking him but not sampai nak kapel ke ape la. Siyesly, my main intention was not to have couple anymore. Aku dah rasa macam fobia nak couple-couple bagai ni semua. Ye la, dah couple lama-lama pun boleh putus jugak, ape de hal. Orang cakap, selagi takde ikatan apa-apa, macam boleh jadi. And lepas dia grad aritu, I tanya lagi dekat dia whether dia ada someone special tak sebab aku ada terbaca dari member dia yang dia ada keluar dengan ada girl ni. So, aku rasa macam tak nak la kacau dia kalau dia dah ada yang berpunya. Aku dah pernah rasa what it's like kalau ada orang ketiga dalam hubungan kita. So, aku tak nak jadi orang sebegitu. And yes, he mentioned that he now has a girlfriend.
So, it's time for me to walk away and not disturbing someone else's boyfriend. Tak manis kata orang-orang tua, jadi batu penghalang dalam relationship orang. Giler nak jadi orang ketiga semua, siyes bukan aku. Nanti when the time comes and I have finally found my Mr TOP, he will not be excluded to get my wedding invitation card..=)
:: It is nice having a friend like you, though I have confessed my feelings towards you, you are always being nice as if nothing happens. The way you appreciate other people's feelings is one of the things I truly love about you..
Wishing you true happiness, now and hereafter..Mr Cool..^_^
:: Ok, ni hanyalah gambar hiasan semata-mata. Aku tak rasa macam nak berderai air mata ke, berlinang ke, bergenang ke semua takde. Sebab the way dia tolak aku adalah dengan cara yang paling aku rasa siyes rasa macam terhormat sangat. In fact, he's being too gentleman which aku tak pernah jumpa guy like him sebelum ni. Siyesly, and I hope I will be able to find someone like him someday somewhere..InsyaAllah ^_^
:: Aku pernah suka at this one boy when I was in school. My friends insisted me to give him a card during his birthday. There's something happened in between those times and from that moment I swore to myself not to show my feelings to any other boy 'til I met this Mr Cool.. Thanks to you, my perception now has changed.. ♥♥♥
LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST
~yona_afzan~
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