write yourself a love letter by SOULPANCAKE

Sebelum ni, tak pernah terfikir pun untuk bagi surat chenta dekat diri sendiri. So far, aku rasa aku pernah bagi 3 pucuk surat cinta dekat boys. Hehe.. Oleh sebab time sekolah dulu terlebih confident dengan diri sendiri, makanya surat-surat tersebut telah terbagi kepada mereka dan satu lagi pada dia yang aku dok tergila dulu. Tapi, itu semua dulu..

Write yourself a love letter merupakan sebuah video project daripada SoulPancake. Ye, aku baru lepas tonton short video ini yang mengambil masa kurang dari 4 minit aku namun sedikit sebanyak telah menyedarkan dan soalan yang sedang bermain di dalam kepala hotak aku bahawa adakah aku betul-betul sayang diri aku sendiri.

So, the letter begins like this..

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Dearie Afzan, 

I've already known you for almost 26 years. You are a lady now. How time flies. It's like you were just finishing your SPM yesterday and suddenly you've become a grown-up woman. 

You're a strong woman, but only on surface cause i know deep down inside you're like a little girl who are still searching for the right path to take in life. You've been in so much obstacles throughout the years yet you seem to be fine in the eyes of the people around, because you don't want them to see the tears in your eyes thus you fake your own smile.

Though you have lots of pain in you, never look down on yourself. Try to love yourself more. You will never find love in others if there's none of it in you. Because love comes from pure heart and you can't just simply have it if you don't mend your own heart. Try not to be so heartless, even though you try to act calm and just ignore whatever they say about you whether it's good or bad. Because inside, you're still hurt with what they say about you.

Try to be normal for a bit. Because you try so damn hard to please the one you love. And you act like a weirdo just because you want them to like you but then, you just hate what you did. Because in the end, you will end up regretting what have you done until now. 

You have a lot of anger in yourself because of the past. Forgive is the best medicine to release the anger and try to forget regretful things that had been done, either by you or others. You like to put all the blames to yourself and redha on what has got in your way. Stand up on your feet and fight for yourself after this.

But then again, the good side of you is the one that made me so lucky to have you. 

You are humble and don't like to seek for attention, like you just standing at the corner of the room with a lot of people and just stare at their behavior. You tend to make people enjoy to be around you because of your dumb jokes. Abg Hairol used to tease you to be his partner and join Raja Lawak. You are an enjoyable kind of person who likes to play around and easy-going even with strangers.

You like to help people though you know you will be in trouble yourself after that. You don't seek for rewards but smiles when you give help to others.You're very supportive when it comes to high up people's self-motivation. 

You know you can be an achiever in this world. Do not lose hope though life sometimes' going up and down, like a roller coaster.

Last but not least,

Bring yourself more to Allah because He is The Most Gracious and The Most Merciful. 

Have faith in Him, because He knows best for His slave.

I am grateful to be with you and I would never want someone else to replace you.

Love you, always.

~ Afzan ~

LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST 

~yona_afzan~

FTA yang kena repeat..

LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST
~yona_afzan~

Ghedha dan pasghah..

Untuk kesekian kalinya, aku tersungkur lagi. Dah tak habis-habis terjatuh, terduduk, terjelepuk, terbaring, tertonggeng, terlentang, terbang dan segala macam ter yang lain yang aku rasakan sekarang. Siyes, aku ingat ini adalah yang penghabisan untuk aku berada di sini. Tapi, nasib tak menyebelahi aku, dan rasanya tak pernah nak berada dekat sebelah aku. Aku bakal berada di sini lagi untuk satu semester. Maka, jika dicampur adukkan kesemuanya, bakal genaplah sudah usia 7 tahun aku berada di bumi terchenta ini. Dan, itupun belum tentu aku dapat grad dengan segulung ijazah Sarjana Muda Senibina.

Entah, rasa macam dah kosong kot jiwa aku untuk teruskan dalam bidang ni. Mungkin lepas grad, aku carik kerja yang kalau boleh tiada kena mengena langsung dengan perkataan senibina. Sebab macam choi je senibina dengan aku, macam tak pernah nak ngam. Even kalau dulu walaupun aku benci giler Sains pasal aku susah nak faham tapi Sains tak pernah nak menyusahkan hidup aku. At leastlah, kalau tak dapat A atau B pun, C dah boleh dapat. Tapi senibina ni, benda yang paling minat sekali kot dalam dunia ni, tak termasuk Mr X yang sampai sekarang aku dok tunggu walaupun dia dah terang-terang reject aku, but still aku tak dapat nak achieve apa-apa pun sepanjang aku belajar kat bumi terchenta ni.

Maybe ada orang cakap, ini mungkin dugaan untuk aku. Memang, aku tahu ini memang dugaan untuk aku. Tapi dia takkan pernah dapat rasa macam mana aku rasa tak bergunanya terhadap diri sendiri setelah hampir 7 tahun aku di sini dan aku tiada apa-apa yang boleh aku banggakan sepanjang 7 tahun aku hambakan diri mengejar benda yang aku harapkan. Aku dah rasa macam worthless, full of s***, rasa bodoh nak mampos dan seumpama dengannya.

Fail, fail dan terus fail. Siapa yang nak gagal dalam hidup? Aku tak pernah mintak untuk semua itu. Tapi, aku tak pernah terjangka yang ini akan terjadi dalam hidup aku. Andainya aku boleh putar waktu ke 7 tahun dahulu, aku takkan pernah cuba jejak kaki untuk interview demi mencapai impian ni. 7 tahun ni, dah banyak kot hati yang aku dah kecewakan. Orang yang harapkan aku berjaya tapi aku masih terus di sini.

Ghedha itu pasghah,

Pasghah itu menyeghah..

Mungkin, lepas ni tiada lagi istilah PASSION dalam architecture bagi kamus hidup aku. 

Sebab apa yang bakal aku buat lepas ni dalam senibina adalah pasrah dan menyerah..

Cukup sampai degree, 

lepas tu kemas dan campak jauh-jauh all these art thingy..

Cukup, 

Dah tiba masanya aku berpijak di bumi yang nyata, 

Dan bukan lagi bumi terchenta 

Bahawa architecture is not part of sona.

Baik buat benda lain selain senibina.

Sebab dah ternyata, 

kau buat apa yang kau minat pun tak mungkin kau akan boleh dapat

jika tiada yang mengizinkan...

ps: dulu nak belajar kat aswara sebab teringin nak jadi pro dancer ala-ala Britney Spears dengan N'Sync.. TT.TT

SI POINTER CUKUP-CUKUP MAKAN UNTUK GRAD YANG TAK TAHU BILA

~yona_afzan~

kalau bukan hari ini

kalau bukan hari ini,

dapatkah kau janjikan yang

kau akan diberi peluang sekali lagi

pada lain hari,

seperti hari ini?

kalau bukan hari ini,

dapatkah kau janjikan yang

kau masih mampu hidup

pada lain hari,

seperti hari ini?

dan

kalau bukan hari ini, 

bila lagi?

lain hari?

LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST 

~yona_afzan~

RESOLUSI 2014 SONA AFZAN

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..

Alhamdulillah, 

After thinking hard about what i want to achieve for this year since I've already passed my silver age, I think it's the best time for me to look back of what I've done and my achievement throughout the 25 years of living that Allah has given me.

It's kinda sad and ashamed to say that I'm not really a good servant to Him as i devoted most of my life for duniawi purposes. I've done so many sins, either big or small, which I don't even dare and have heart to say except repent and seek forgiveness from Him. May Allah accept my repentance.

So, from this year onwards, there won't be anymore stupid resolution like previous years. Like last year, I want to change my status from being 'single' to 'in a relationship' or 'married'. Well, I kinda hope someday it will change. But now I realize that it will only happen with Allah's will. If He says it's the right time, then there will be someone who will ask for permission from my father or my brothers for the marriage thingy. Because I know, 'ajal, maut, jodoh, pertemuan adalah rahsia Allah dan Dia sahaja yang tahu'.

My only hope starting from this year is if my life is destined to be end by tomorrow, people will not be recognised me by who I was in the past but who I have become in my present and what I want to be in the future, as a good muslim. InsyaAllah..~

LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST 

~yona_afzan~